Setting and Respecting Boundaries
This is a conversation that can be had starting in the toddler/preschool years and the conversation continues to evolve as your child gets older. We integrate conversations about boundaries and consent in our classrooms throughout the year and it’s always helpful to have the conversation continue at home!
We have pulled together some resources we share in the classroom along with some external resources to help introduce and practice these topics at home.
Where to start with boundaries for toddler and preschool age children:
It is important to keep things simple! Below you can can find a few books and a song we like to help introduce the concept of setting and respecting boundaries:
Boundaries Books
Boundaries Song
The books you introduce at home do not need to be limited to what we have used in our classrooms! There are so many great children’s books out there about boundaries/consent.
Learning big feelings and how to express them without crossing our friends boundaries or hurting them.
Boundaries are often crossed when our young friends are having big feelings when they are upset, frustrated, or even excited. Behaviors are a form of communication and can come out when a child is experiencing big feelings. Our job is to help our little friends learn what they are trying to communicate with us or their friends.
Hitting Book
What to Do When You Feel Like Hitting: A No Hitting Book for Toddlers
Feelings Song
My Body is My Friend by Ms Katie Sings
QSLA Resource
Age by Age Guide for Helping Kids Manage Emotions
What do we do when a boundary is crossed?
Of course, a large part of this work is being able to speak up and resolve conflict when boundaries are crossed. Many of our younger friends need help in order to advocate for themselves and speak up! Below is a book list for conflict resolution.
Conflict Resolution Booklist
Early Childhood | Conflict Resolution Booklist
When it comes to resolving conflict as a result of boundaries being crossed, we use the Peace Rose in our classrooms. The Peace Rose comes from a lesson in the book Honoring the Light of the Child.
Here’s how to practice: The two people in conflict sit across from one another. Whoever is holding the rose will be the first one to speak, using “I feel” messages to talk about the conflict (Say what happened and how you feel. Ex: You took my toy and I feel mad). The listener will repeat what they heard so the other feels understood. Then, the roles are reversed. Once both people feel heard and understood, it’s time to come up with ideas (together!) to create a peaceful solution. This could include apologies, promising to do something differently next time, playing something different, etc. Then, it’s time to declare peace! Both peacemakers put their hands on the stem and say, “WE DECLARE PEACE!” It feels silly to do as an adult, but the children really love it and it reinforces the idea that we get to choose to be peaceful and we can do it as a team.
Some supporting articles for further reading and resources:
Child Mind Institute: Teaching Kids About Boundaries: Why empathy and self-awareness play a major role
First 5 California: How to Teach Your Child About Boundaries and Consent